


The Problem is the Nobel Prize (And Also Leonard)

by gertie_flirty



Series: Ellipse of the Heart [2]
Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-17
Updated: 2011-03-17
Packaged: 2017-10-17 01:26:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/171479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gertie_flirty/pseuds/gertie_flirty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to The Marital Observation. Sheldon and Penny are starting a relationship, but they have to deal with some problems on the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

On the tenth of December every year, as the snow falls on the buildings and residents of Sweden, a grand ceremony is given in the Stockholm Concert Hall. People from various nations around the world attend to watch the best and brightest minds accept an award from the King of Sweden himself. For discoveries that have benefited mankind beyond all others, and stood the test of time, a diploma, a medal, and a sum of money is given to the honoree, although it is really the prestige of the award that is most valuable. The Nobel Prize is the most important award in physics, and some scientists strive their entire lives to be counted among the talented laureates.

Sheldon Cooper was no exception.

"My mind is full, Penny." He told her.

"Full of what?" she made a face and stuck out her tongue playfully.

"Oh, well, various materials make up the gray cells of your cranial—"

"It was a joke, Sheldon." She smiled wistfully and handed him a spoon. "Here. Stir that."

They were in her kitchen, making dinner.

"I was speaking metaphorically. My mind isn't actually full, as it was never empty—"

"Sheldon, I know what a metaphor is. I just don't know what you mean – metaphorically – by your brain being full."

"I simply meant—" The egg timer went off, interrupting him.

"Oh no oh no oh no," Penny scurried over to the other side of the kitchen, gently shoving Sheldon and grabbing a dishtowel she used as an oven mitt. She pulled out the casserole dish and placed it on the counter. "Ah, there we go. You ready to eat?"

"I thought we were baking a cake."

"We can finish that up after dinner. Come on, I'm starving."

It had been one week. One week since Sheldon's disastrous almost-wedding. One week since she had kissed him. One week since he had grudgingly opened his heart to a possible real human relationship. Things were going pretty well, in Penny's opinion. Although Sheldon seemed a bit shyer, a bit quieter. For the nearly five years she had known him, he had matured, in painstakingly small increments. He was better at eye contact. He could make socially acceptable jokes. Sometimes he even teetered on the edge of understanding sarcasm. And now, to honestly pursue a real relationship with a real girl was an almost unbelievable step of progress.

And Penny didn't know, but Sheldon was on the verge of a breakdown. Keeping a secret from Leonard was killing him.

It was a secret, of course. Both Penny and Sheldon knew they couldn't tell Leonard, at least not yet. Maybe not for a while. The thing was, Sheldon was atrocious at keeping secrets. He spent his night drawing up detailed day plans and concocting ridiculous alibis for the time he spent with Penny. Leonard had believed them all, perhaps a little too easily.

"Sheldon, are you sweating?" Penny looked at him over the table.

He touched his forehead in amazement. "Yes. I am perspiring. This is unsanitary. I should go home and shower."

"Don't be ridiculous, Sheldon, I'll just turn up the a/c." Penny stood and walked over to the front door where the thermostat was.

"No!" Sheldon said loudly. "No, I should really go. I have to go. I'm going."

He was on his feet, awkwardly pushing past Penny even as she started to protest. "But Sheldon—"

"I'll see you tomor-ACK!" Penny had grabbed him by the back of his shirt, choking him slightly.

"Sit."

Sheldon sat.

"Now," Penny took a seat in the chair next to the couch. "Explain yourself."

"I'm a bipedal organism consisting of-"

"Not the science-y explanation, Sheldon, we've been through this. What's wrong with you?"

Sheldon squirmed in his seat. "I can't do this, Penny."

"Was my cooking that terrible?"

"Yes, but I could still eat it. I'm not talking about that. It's Leonard."

"Leonard doesn't have to eat it."

"No, I meant—" Sheldon jerked his head in the direction of the door. "I'm scared that at any second Leonard will come running through that door, brandishing his suspicions about and find us—canoodling."

"Canoodling?"

"Canoodling."

"Oh sweetie." Penny slid into the seat next to him. Gently, she held his hand. "I know you don't like keeping a secret from your friend. I really don't like it either. Maybe we should tell him."

"I've already ran through all the possible scenarios in my head. Leonard is an incredibly fragile man. In the best case scenario, he simply screams 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' while falling to his knees a là William Shatner in 'Wrath of Khan.'"

"What's the worst case?"

"He destroys ten city blocks with a homemade atomic bomb."

"Well." Penny patted his hand. "Let's try for a happy medium."


	2. It Will Set You Free

Thursday night.

Halo night.

Penny and Sheldon entered Sheldon's apartment where Raj, Howard, and Leonard were already involved in the game.

"Hey guys," said Leonard in a friendly manner.

"Hey guys," Howard echoed snarkily.

"Hello." Sheldon nodded at the three of them.

"Hey, can you guys leave us alone for a while? We need to talk to Leonard." Penny said to Raj and Howard.

"Really?" Howard looked back and forth from Leonard to Penny. "Oh no, we're staying for this."

Raj grinned and nodded excitedly.

"It would really be better if the two of you left," Penny said through gritted teeth.

"No way, this is too good to leave." Howard replied and leaned back into his seat.

Penny growled and replied reluctantly, "Fine. But don't say a word."

Howard made a zipping-of-lips motion.

"All right." Penny sighed and sat on the arm of the couch near Leonard. "Leonard, Sheldon and I have something to tell you."

"Did he let a gerbil loose in your apartment again? I told him that we can't conduct science experiments on you—"

"No. No, sweetie just listen. I, well, I, uh—" Penny looked at Leonard, at his wide, expecting eyes. "It, that, well, Sheldon—Sheldon! Sheldon. You tell him."

"Me?" Sheldon clutched at the strap on his messenger bag. "I thought you said you would tell him."

"Well, you're the man, aren't you?"

"According to various twelve year olds in my hometown, that is apparently debatable."

"Just tell him, Sheldon!"

"Tell me what?" interjected Leonard.

Sheldon and Penny fell silent.

"C'mon, tell me what?" Leonard said.

Another round of silence.

"Sheldon and Penny are dating!" Raj blurted out.

Everyone stared at him in amazement. "I'm sorry, I had to say something, the pressure was killing me."

"Raj! You spoke!" Penny exclaimed.

Raj only blushed and fell back into silence.

"How did you know?" Sheldon asked.

"Everyone knows," said Howard.

"Everyone?"

"Well, me and Raj. And in our group, that is everyone." Howard shrugged.

"Is this true?" Leonard asked quietly, looking at the floor.

Penny glanced at Leonard worriedly. "Yes. It is. I'm sorry. Leonard, I'm so sorry."

Leonard stood up, still not looking at anyone. He clenched and unclenched his fists. Clutched his forehead. Pulled at his hair a bit. "How—" he took a deep breath. Squeezed his eyes shut. Opened them and looked directly at Penny. "That doesn't even make sense. How can you possibly date Sheldon? I mean, look at him!"

"Are you implying there's something wrong with me?" Sheldon asked defensively.

"I'm not implying anything, I'm saying it! There's several things wrong with you!" Leonard yelled, moving directly in front of Sheldon. The two glared at each other in fury.

Ding!

"Oh! Sorry!" Howard jumped and ran to the kitchen. "That's my popcorn." He opened the microwave, then opened the kitchen cabinet and removed a bowl. He opened the bag of popcorn, poured it into the bowl, hurried back to the couch, sat down, ate a piece of popcorn, offered the bowl to Raj and said simply, "Go on."

"You're supposed to be my friend!" cried Leonard. "Friends don't do this to each other! You know I had dibs on Penny!"

"Whoa, whoa, 'dibs?'" Penny was on her feet now, full of ire. "I'm not the last slice of pizza!"

"I have to agree with Penny. People, unlike robots, cannot be owned." Sheldon snapped.

"I dated her first! I have a valid claim!"

"No!" Penny held her hands in the air, palms out. "No dibs, no claims, no fighting over me like I'm your favorite Superman doll."

"Action figure," muttered Sheldon, but Penny quieted him with a glare.

"Leonard, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I really am. But I am an adult, and, unfortunately, I can't help my feelings for Sheldon. I really care about him, Leonard." She sighed and put her hands down, adding softly "I'm sorry."

"This popcorn is delicious," Howard said. Raj leaned over and whispered in his ear. "You're right, it could use some more butter."

Leonard fumed, looking back and forth to both Penny and Sheldon. "Apparently, neither one of you care about me. I'm never talking to either of you, ever again."

With that, he turned and left the room. After a few moments, there was the sound of his bedroom door slamming.

The rest of the group remained in the living room, the only sound that of the popcorn crunching between Howard and Raj's teeth.

"Well, that went better than I thought." said Sheldon. "A happy ending for all. Howard, get out of my spot."

Howard and Raj scooted to the other end of the couch as Sheldon took his seat.

"Sheldon, what do you mean a 'happy ending?'" Penny asked, sitting in the chair.

"If Leonard is never speaking to us again, I'll never have to listen to the insufferable experimental physics jokes he considers 'humor.'"

"Sheldon, you don't mean that. He's your best friend. You're just feeling guilty."

"Don't be ridiculous. We told him our secret. I don't feel guilty at all."

"Sheldon."

Sheldon didn't reply, but set his jaw and squeezed his messenger bag to himself, tapping it nervously.

"Sheldon."

Still no reply. More tapping.

"Sheldon!"

"All right, all right!" Sheldon stood up, jerking his arms awkwardly. "Although it's completely illogical, perhaps I do feel some sort of . . . guilt. However, we apologized. We told the truth. What more can we do?"

"Actually," Howard interrupted, "Penny apologized. You didn't say anything."

"Oh." Sheldon stood up straight in realization. "Perhaps I should deliver a personal apology."

"Not right now, dude." said Howard. "Give him some time to cool off."

"All right." Sheldon took his seat again.

Another moment of silence.

"You guys want some popcorn?" Howard offered.

Penny sighed. "Yeah, okay."


	3. Who Cares About Leonard

The familiar feel of his comforter soothed Leonard slightly as he collapsed face-first onto his bed. Time passed, he had no idea how much. Emotions rushed through him, and he was unsure whether he should cry or throw up.

Sheldon. Penny. Sheldon and Penny.

Dear God.

A million probabilities ran through his head. Perhaps it was the end times. Tomorrow, four horsemen would ride through the streets of Pasadena and reign death and pestilence on the populace.

Or maybe Sheldon had performed some weird, freaky, mind control thing on Penny. He might be a hypnotist. Or maybe he really was some sort of Vulcan, and had performed a mind meld.

Leonard's stomach churned mutinously. He knew, though, the reasons for the Sheldon and Penny relationship – the Shenny, as it would undoubtedly soon be called – were much simpler. Penny wasn't a very complicated girl. Cheerful, friendly, helpful, but not a bastion of philosophical deepness. She must actually like Sheldon, plain and simple.

So why was Leonard not good enough?

He finally stood and looked at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet door. "I'm pathetic."

"Oh, cheer up, mate, it's not that bad."

Leonard whirled around at the strange voice that was undeniably British. There was a man in his room, fairly young, wearing a tweed jacket and a bowtie. "What are you—"

"Don't worry, I'm just a figment of your imagination. Possibly even a dream. I don't know how your mind works." The man sat on Leonard's bed and wiggled a bit, getting comfortable. "You know, I always preferred a feather mattress, but this'll do."

Leonard sat down confusedly on the other corner of the bed. "You're a figment of my imagination?"

"Yes."

"But I don't even watch Doctor Who. Sheldon does. I mean, I watch it sometimes, but Sheldon is the actual fan."

"Well, it's possible you're seeing me because you feel bad about Sheldon." The man picked up a picture of Leonard at a formal event and looked at. "You know, I like this picture of you. You look quite smart. And you're wearing a bowtie! I love bowties. Bowties are cool."

"Wait, wait, why would I feel bad about Sheldon?"

"I dunno, it's your imagination." The man pulled out a strange cylindrical gadget that made electrical humming noises and he pointed it at the picture. "Downloading this to my desktop, hope you don't mind."

"Sure. If imaginary Doctor Who wants my picture, he can have it." Leonard sighed in resignation.

"Not Doctor Who, just the Doctor. Really. Too many people get it wrong," the Doctor muttered, continuing to inspect the picture. Finally, he placed it back on the nightstand and grinned at Leonard cheerily. "Now. Tell me why you feel guilty about Sheldon."

"I don't—"

"Really? Then why am I here?"

"I don't know!" Leonard threw his hands up in the air hopelessly and begin to pace around the room. "He—I never did anything to him. How could he do this to me?"

"You never did anything to him?"

"Well—"

"What about the time you ruined his career?"

"That was so I wouldn't kill him—"

"Maybe you feel like you owe something to Sheldon."

"I'm not trading Penny for some research paper!" Leonard cried.

"Of course not. Penny's not property."

Leonard stood still. "That's what Sheldon said."

"Oh, I like this Sheldon!" The Doctor said, grinning. "Great minds think alike."

"They betrayed me."

"Listen." The Doctor stood, playing idly with one of the Transformers Leonard kept on top of his dresser. "They are both adults. They obviously regret hurting you. But at the same time, if you care about either of them, Penny in particular, you have to let them be happy. Even if it's without you."

Leonard swallowed. "I know you're just a manifestation of my subconscious. I know you're not really Doctor Who—"

"The Doctor—"

"The Doctor, right. It's just that, I can be angry at them. I'm allowed."

"Of course you are, who said you weren't?" The Doctor fiddled with the toy's limbs, trying to get it to transform. "All I was saying was, get over it. You can't stop it."

Leonard sank onto the bed, disappointed. "You're right. I know you're right. That sucks. Even my own brain doesn't want me to be happy."

"Ah, there's a good fellow. And Leonard, one question?"

"Yeah?"

"I like Optimus Prime just fine, but do you have Bumblebee?"

Leonard sighed. "No."

"Oh. Bollocks."

Leonard flopped back onto his bed and closed his eyes in frustration. When he opened them again a few minutes later, he was alone. Although his Optimus Prime action figure was on the bed next to him, and not on the dresser.

"Oh." said Leonard. "Crap."


	4. That's That, But There's Something Else

Sheldon looked so sad.

Penny had learned long ago that Sheldon took his friendships seriously, and any trouble that would endanger them hit him hard. She sat on the couch in her apartment, just looking at him as he stared longingly into space, his chin resting lightly in his hand, his eyebrows knotted up ever so slightly on his forehead. She wanted to reach out, touch him, comfort him, but he was so withdrawn into himself she was scared to.

Not to mention, she felt like crap over what had happened with Leonard. She knew it was taboo to date an ex-boyfriend's friend. Not just taboo, but against some unspoken law of brotherhood. She felt so unsure, like there was some mysterious cliff right behind her she was going to drop off of at any moment. The feeling of nothingness at her back was disconcerting. What had she done? She had ruined everything. She just wanted her friends back, Sheldon and Leonard and Howard and Raj sitting around eating Thai food and watching Lord of the Rings, and then she realized those were her friends now, her friends used to be Becky and Jessica and Nadia and they used to go clubs, and dance, or watch football, and she never saw them anymore. That had to be unhealthy. She had to schedule some girl time into her life, or she would go crazy. Then she immediately realized she shouldn't be thinking about that at a time like this, with Leonard so upset and Sheldon so lost.

Sheldon.

She looked at him again and she felt herself melting. Instead of falling off that cliff, she would just drip down the side of it slowly, miserably. Sheldon's face would be the last thing she saw, and he just looked so sad. She wanted to take that sadness from him, take it and bottle it up and throw the bottle into an ocean somewhere.

"Oh, Sheldon." She let out a surprisingly loud sob and threw her arms around his neck. She felt his body stiffen, and she prepared for rejection, but he did not push her away. "It's my fault, Sheldon. I'm sorry. I'm so terrible and pushy." She was crying into his neck now, and the sound was a little muffled. "I didn't think about anybody else, because I'm a selfish idiot. I was even going to ruin your wedding, if that Kenny guy hadn't done it. I was just going to speak up and ruin everybody's life, but then I didn't have to, but now everyone's life is ruined anyway."

Sheldon was quiet for a moment, then said, "Is your life ruined?"

"Wha?" Penny looked up, wiping snot from her nose with the back of her hand. "No."

"Well, neither is mine. And as far as the wedding goes, I believe Amy is quite happy with her new husband. So I am at a loss to who's life you actually did ruin."

Penny stared at him in wonder. "But you're so upset about Leonard—"

"Ah, yes, Leonard. I'm sure he is upset, but you hardly ruined his life. He has an apartment, employment, a modicum of intelligence, and a very valuable issue of the original Action Comics. And I'm sure as soon as I properly apologize, things will be resolved."

Penny felt the tears well up in her eyes, and her bottom lip wavered terribly as she smiled. "You're – you're an amazing man, sometimes." She hugged him tightly and placed her head on his chest. "I'm still sorry, though."

"As we live in a civilized society, I accept your apology." Sheldon ran a hand over the top of his head nervously. "I only hope Leonard accepts mine."

"You are still worried, huh?"

"'Fearful' is a more accurate term. In fact," Sheldon gently disentangled himself from Penny and stood up. "Perhaps I'll go over there right now."

"Okay." Penny sniffled and followed him to the front door. As he opened it, she squeezed his free hand. "I hope it goes okay."

"I hope so as well." He stared at her for a moment, causing her to put her free hand to her hair nervously.

"I'm sure I look like crap. Crying makes me all poofy."

"Actually, even now you're a very attractive woman."

Penny blushed. "Oh, Sheldon, you're just all kinds of a ladies' man now, huh?"

He looked at her quizzically. "I don't know what you mean."

"I'm just teasing. Here," she said, grabbing his shirt front and pulling him down for a kiss. "For luck."

The kiss went a little deeper than she expected. As always, she had to stand on her tiptoes to reach him, and he had to bend over awkwardly. But he also put his hands on her hips in that light, careful way, and was a bit more passionate with his mouth than she expected.

"AHEM." They were interrupted by the world's loudest throat clearing. Leonard stood in the open doorway, looking at them wistfully.

"Leonard," said Penny. "I'm sorry—"

"No," Leonard cut her off. "I have something to say to you guys." They moved back into her apartment and he continued, "First of all, Sheldon, it's weird to see you kissing Penny. Actually, it's weird to see you kissing anyone."

"I kissed your mother," Sheldon replied.

Leonard looked at Penny. "Are you teaching him 'your mom' jokes?"

"No, I actually kissed y-"

"Sheldon!" Penny held up a hand to cut him off. "Not now. Leonard, go on."

"I wanted to say that, I'm not okay with this. With you. The two of you. I'm just not. My feelings are really hurt, and I'm not okay with this. I'm just not."

Penny nodded in sad understanding, and Sheldon looked even more depressed.

Leonard smiled a little. "But I will be. It may take a while, but I don't want to lose either of you as friends. No, Sheldon, not even you, for some reason."

"Leonard." Penny smiled, her eyes filling with tears again. "I understand. Thank you."

"And Leonard." Sheldon moved in front of Penny. Stood up straight. Took a deep breath. "I apologize for any inconvenience. I'm sorry."

Another small smile from Leonard. "I know you are. And I'll forgive you, eventually. All right?"

Sheldon nodded. "That's logical."

"Well," Leonard coughed. "I guess, I'll leave you two – alone? Ugh. That feels bad to say. But, nevertheless . . . " He shrugged. "See you guys later." He turned to walk out the door, but Penny stopped him and gave him a hug.

"Sorry, Leonard."

"It's all right." He said, patting her back. "Or it will be."

And with that, he left.

Penny and Sheldon were alone.

"So," Penny said brightly, "What do you want to do now?"

"Well," said Sheldon, picking up his messenger bag from the chair, "I heard Stuart got in some new trades at the comic book store. Shall we?"

Penny smiled and said, "Sure. Let me go wash my face, okay?"

Sheldon nodded, and Penny disappeared into the bathroom.

The second she was gone, he started biting his nails. He hadn't told her, but Leonard wasn't the only thing he was worried about.

Because, of course, there was the Nobel Prize.


	5. Inertia is a Property of Matter

Penny was cute. Sure to be considered adorable, by some. She was an attractive, beautiful woman with a sweet disposition. Sheldon liked these things about her. He had considered few girls, if any, would ever find him attractive, especially one like Penny. She was a very affectionate person, constantly touching him, hugging him, holding his hand, rubbing his arm, running her fingers through his hair. It was all very hard to get used to.

It was also very distracting.

Once, he had been writing an equation on his white board, and Penny had started touching him, and he had tried to ignore it, then she started kissing his neck, and it was so very difficult to ignore that, and then she moved her hips up against him in just such a way that almost instantly they were making out on the couch, and he had to stay up far too late that night to finish the equation.

Then he had been typing up his latest research paper, and Penny had unceremoniously deposited herself on his lap, pressing her lips against his passionately and they ended up accidentally deleting the entire paper and it was two weeks late for publication. And being two weeks behind in publication meant he was two weeks behind in research, which had a snowball effect on everything else in his career.

And she smelled wonderfully. He could smell every scent on her body, her shampoo, less creamy than her conditioner, her lotion, her deodorant, even, her laundry detergent, her fabric softener; all were gentle, soft smells that could carry him away in cloud of thoughtlessness.

Thoughtlessness was exactly what he didn't need. He needed to concentrate. He needed to win the Nobel Prize.

This had been his only dream in life since he was a child. When bullied by his siblings, or other children in the neighborhood, he would hide in his room and look at his science books, looking at pictures of Niels Bohr and Albert Einstein and Richard Feynman and dreamed of one day being counted among their greatness. That instead of being ridiculed and picked on for his intelligence and differences, he would be distinguished and praised for them.

It was the only thing he wanted in the entire world.

And then there was Penny.

SNAP.

He lowered his goggles onto his face, the band snapping a bit. He was in the lab at the university, setting up an experiment with one of the lasers. Usually he preferred working on thought experiments, but he needed to observe the behavior of a certain type of electron. He walked over to the activation switch, his white lab coat billowing a bit behind him.

"All clear?" he asked, his hand on the switch.

"Yes, Dr. Cooper." The young research assistant, a girl named Bridget, replied.

"All right, and activating laser no—"

"Moonpie!"

The door to the lab flew open and Sheldon quickly switched the laser off. "Penny! What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd surprise you. I thought we could have a picnic!" She held up a straw basket, smiling.

"Not now, Penny, I'm working." Sheldon replied irritably.

"Dr. Cooper?"

"Sorry, Bridget, give us a minute." He ushered Penny out into the hallway and put his goggles on top of his head.

"Bridget, huh?" Penny frowned. "She's awful young and cute to be into science."

"I hadn't noticed," Sheldon replied.

Penny was silent, but pursed her lips.

"Penny, I really don't have time for this. You could have seriously damaged the equipment."

"Sorry about the equipment! I thought we could have some fun."

"Penny, I—" Sheldon was going to yell. He was going to scream. He was going to, as his mother put it, holler. But he didn't. He simply looked at Penny, at her wide eyes, her long hair, her small hands clutching the handle of the picnic basket, and realized this was what the rest of his life was going to be.

Very calmly, he said, "Penny, I can't do this."

"All right, that's okay. No picnic lunch. How about dinner tonight?"

"No, Penny—" he licked his lips nervously. "I can't do this. Us. I can't have a relationship with you."

The world ended very slowly. Realization crossed Penny's face at a snail's pace, just a small softening of her forehead, the corners of her eyes drooping, her mouth no longer smiling, but turning into a small, disappointed o. Then the muscles in her neck relaxed, her shoulders sank the tiniest bit, and her heart broke.

"Oh." she said, very softly. "I see."

Sheldon looked away from her. "I have to get back to work."

"Right. Right." Penny said, staring at the ground. "Okay. I'll see you later."

Sheldon nodded and went back into the lab.

The door closed behind him with a solid thunk, and Penny fell to her knees in the middle of the hallway. She clutched at the basket awkwardly, rocking back and forth. After a few minutes of sobbing silently, she let out a scream and threw the basket at the laboratory door. She struggled to her feet and stomped off, still crying, not caring who saw.

She didn't get far before she bumped smack into Leonard.

"Penny?"

"Oh. It's you. I hope you're happy."

"What are you talking about? Why are you upset?"

"Sheldon broke up with me!" she screamed, the tears still rolling down her face. "It's what you wanted!"

"Penny, I—"

"Leave me alone!" she yelled and ran off.

Leonard stood in the middle of the hallway, debating whether to chase after her or not. She definitely did not seem to want to talk to him, so he decided to stay where he was.

He would, though, find out what was wrong with Sheldon.


	6. Unreasonable Reasons

Sheldon arranged his lunch items on his tray the way he always did. Main course, usually a tuna salad sandwich, on a paper plate in the exact center. Apple in the upper right corner. Bottled water in the upper left. Today, though, he couldn't stop adjusting the items and readjusting them, and let himself actually eat.

Howard and Raj joined him at their usual table in the university cafeteria. They greeted him and took their seats.

"So, Sheldon, how are things?"

"Fine." Sheldon pushed his apple with a forefinger.

Howard grinned. "No, I meant how are things with you and Penny?"

"We broke up," Sheldon replied matter-of-factly.

Howard and Raj shared a horrified look.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Howard was out of his seat, leaping over the table, grasping for Sheldon's throat. Raj managed to grab his arms and hold him back, although Howard struggled mightily.

Sheldon looked alarmed. "What is the problem with you?"

"How can you break up with Penny? Do you even know how lucky you are?" Howard screamed, still pulling at Raj's hold. "You will never know that delightful bliss ever again!"

"What are you—" Sheldon was interrupted by Leonard running into the cafeteria, looking angry.

"Sheldon! Why did you break up with Penny?" Leonard demanded.

Howard let out another scream of incoherent rage and broke free of Raj's grasp for a second, coming close to grabbing Sheldon. Raj wrapped his arms around Howard's waist and pulled him back several feet. Howard started to sob into Raj's arms, moaning, "She's just so hot. She's . . . just . . . so . . . hot," rather miserably.

"I know, dude, I know," Raj consoled him, rubbing his back.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Leonard. "You didn't act this way when I broke up with Penny."

Howard calmed himself and took a seat. "That's different. She broke up with you. That was inevitable."

Leonard frowned.

"But this jackass over here willingly gave up on the hottest girl who will ever date any one of us! It's a betrayal to all nerdkind!" Howard was shouting again, and Raj put a hand on his shoulder to keep him sitting down.

"You cool, dude?" asked Raj.

"I'm cool, I'm cool." Howard muttered, breathing deeply.

"Seriously, though, Sheldon," Leonard sat at the head of the table, pinching the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger. "Why on earth did you break up with Penny?"

Sheldon cocked his head to the side. "Leonard. Oh, poor, simple, Leonard."

"Watch it, Sheldon, you're on thin ice with all of us."

"Leonard, to answer your question, I plan on winning the Nobel Prize someday."

This caused Howard's anger to break completely and he started laughing.

Sheldon frowned.

"What," Leonard sighed, "What does the Nobel Prize have to do with Penny?"

"It should be obvious."

"Surprisingly, it isn't." Leonard replied.

"Penny is a distraction. As all human relationships are, but the one I had with Penny was particularly detrimental to my thought processes."

Leonard, Howard, and Raj gawked at him.

"Are you serious?" Leonard said.

"You dumped a goddess on earth because of some impossible goal of winning the Nobel Prize?" Howard was incredulous.

"Even I'm flabbergasted," Raj said. After the others looked at him, Raj said, "Flabbergasted. I learned it from my word of the day calendar." After they kept staring at him he said indignantly, "What? My English is usually better than all of yours! Do any of you even know how to end a sentence without a dangling participle?"

The others turned their attention back to Sheldon.

"Sheldon, you're being ridiculous. Do you have any idea how upset Penny is?" Leonard said.

Sheldon looked at him. "As the three of you have made quite clear, Penny has many other options available to her romantically. In fact, you all have pointed out that, despite my superior intellect, I am not good enough for her. The dismantling of our relationship should come as quite a relief to her, rather than a disappointment." He stood, picking up his lunch tray. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to the lab."

As he walked away, the others turned and looked at each other uncomfortably.

"Wow. I kinda feel bad now." Howard said sadly.

"Me too. I don't think he actually broke up with her because of this Nobel Prize thing. I think he was really feeling insecure." Leonard said.

Howard leaned back in his chair and scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I think it's time we came up with a crazy scheme to get them back together."

Leonard smiled. "I'm actually all for that. Sheldon will fill the house with stray cats if we don't."

Howard and Leonard chuckled together, a bit evilly.

Raj, who had been staring into space, said, "You know, I'm really starting to think the three of you are racist."

"We've moved on from that, Raj. C'mon, Leonard, I have a cunning plan." Howard grabbed his tray and Leonard followed him out of the cafeteria.

Raj trailed after them with his own tray, saying forlornly, "I was being serious about the racist thing . . . " but, sadly, his cries went unheard.


	7. The Game Plan

"Maybe we can lock them in a closet together," Howard said.

"No good. Sheldon's claustrophobic."

Howard sighed. "Of course he is."

Leonard, Howard, and Raj were in Leonard's apartment, sitting around the coffee table, pouring over blueprints and diagrams, constructing elaborate scenarios inspired by various romantic comedies.

"We can pretend to kidnap Penny, and hold for her hostage, and Sheldon can rush in and save her," Raj suggested.

"No, Sheldon would call the police and we would all go to jail. He's too pragmatic for that." Leonard said.

"We can set them up on blind dates with each other," Howard said, "And then when they get there, we handcuff them together and throw way the key."

"We want them to start dating again, not murder each other," replied Leonard, then he sighed. "This is hopeless. Sheldon's just too fickle."

"What if we do the mature thing?" Raj said, having an epiphany. "We can talk to Sheldon, point blank, and apologize for insulting his relationship with Penny. We can list all of the logical reasons why they are right for each other, and how she can actually make his life better."

The other two were silent for a moment. Finally, Leonard said, "That would never work."

"Really, Raj, get it together," Howard said, and Raj looked abashed.

At that moment, the door to the apartment opened and Penny came in, dressed in her Cheesecake Factory uniform. "Hey, guys. Sheldon isn't here is he?"

"No. Come on in." Leonard smiled weakly. Penny stepped past them gingerly and sat on the couch. "You seem a little better."

"Yeah. I'm sorry I yelled at you." She sighed. "You ran into me right after it happened." She looked curiously at the papers on the table. "What are you all doing?"

"Trying to get you and Sheldon back together," Howard said, and Leonard glared at him.

"Oh, were we not supposed to tell her?" Howard asked, embarrassed.

"That's sweet, guys." Penny smiled sadly. "But maybe it's for the best Sheldon and I broke up."

"Don't get me wrong," Leonard said, "I hate you two being together. It just fills me with all this rage and anger and disbelief and shock and disgust and -"

"Leonard!" Penny said.

"Sorry. Getting ahead of myself. What I'm trying to say was, you both seemed happy together, and, sometimes, unfortunately, I have to put other people's happiness ahead of my own. And it's horrible that Sheldon broke up with you for such a stupid reason—"

"What was the reason, by the way?" Penny asked curiously.

"He thinks you're keeping him from winning the Nobel Prize," Howard said. "That you're distracting him from achieving his scientific greatness."

"That's ridiculous!" said Penny, then she paused and became thoughtful. "Hey, you guys, did Einstein win the Nobel Prize?"

The three of them laughed like it was a joke. "Oh, you're serious." Leonard cleared his throat. "Yes, he did."

"Was he married?"

"Yeah, twice, in fact. Where are you going with this, Penny?"

She smiled widely. "I have an idea. I'll see you guys later." She stood up and started to leave the apartment.

"Wait, can we help?" asked Leonard.

"Maybe. I gotta go home and do some research." Penny smiled and left.

When the door closed behind her, Howard said, "That can only end in catastrophe."

"I've got it!" Raj cried. "The perfect plan! Listen . . ."


	8. Factotum

Sheldon counted the steps on the way up to his apartment. Leonard and the others had stayed late at the university today, and, of course, he could no longer ask Penny for a ride anywhere. Social conventions were foreign to him in many ways, but he knew it was considered impolite to ask favors from an ex-girlfriend.

Ex-girlfriend. It had taken Sheldon weeks just to begin thinking of Penny as his girlfriend, and she was an ex-girlfriend. Strange that this would happen to him.

So, Sheldon Cooper, in possession of three busy friends, one ex-girlfriend, and no car, had to find another way home. He had taken the bus, as detestful as that was, but it had simply been too far of a distance to walk. Now he was finally home, and he gave his keys a little jingle as he unlocked his front door.

The apartment was empty. Except for one particular blonde girl bent over in front of his white board, adjusting a sheet that had been thrown over it.

"Penny," he said, freezing at the front door.

"Sheldon!" She stood and turned, blushing a little. "You're a little early."

"Penny, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I, uh—" She was nervous, he could tell. "I wanted to talk to you."

Sheldon felt a lump in his throat. It was hard to look at her. Over the past few days, she had been on his mind constantly. He had nearly destroyed the lab with a laser and decapitated Bridget because all he could see was the smile fading from Penny's face as he had broken up with her. And once more, the infernal woman had barged into his life, into his apartment, and tampered with his white board, erasing who knows what for unknown reasons.

Now he was irritated. He asked, "What is it, Penny?"

She smiled. "Sit down."

He narrowed his eyebrows.

"Go own, sit."

Reluctantly, he sat. In his spot, of course.

"Now, before you get all riled up, I didn't mess with your white board any. Yours is in your room. This is Leonard's." She gestured at the enshrouded rectangle behind her.

Sheldon only nodded.

"Leonard told me why you dumped me."

Sheldon started. "He did?"

"Yeah. Some malarkey about how you think you can't win the Nobel Prize if you had a girlfriend."

Sheldon's body went rigid.

Penny continued on. "Well, I want you to look at this!"

She proudly pulled the sheet off the whiteboard and held her arms out in a display.

Sheldon looked at it confusedly. "What is it?"

Penny picked up a pointer and removed a pair of glasses, sans lenses, from her pocket. The frames were thick and black, and had a piece of tape around the middle. She put them on and assumed a professorial tone.

"Pay attention, cause I had to do a lot of research on Wikipedia for this." She slapped the pointer against the white board. "This number. 188. Do you know its significance?"

Sheldon thought deeply about this. "I'm afraid I don't."

Penny brightened. "Since the Nobel Prizes were established in 1901, one hundred eighty-eight individuals have won the Nobel Prize in physics. Now, do you know how many of them were married?"

Sheldon waved his hand. "Penny, this is-"

"Uh-uh. I asked you a question. Do you know the answer or don't you?"

"Oh, fine. About half. I'll say . . . 95."

"Incorrect." Penny answered. "The correct answer is 184."

Sheldon's eyes widened in surprise. "184?"

"Out of 188, yes. Including," she moved her pointer down the board, "Pierre and Marie Curie, who were married to each other, and Albert Einstein, who was married twice."

Sheldon looked at her for a moment, then replied, "Penny, I understand what you're trying to do here, but correlation is not causation."

"I thought you would say that."

"You did?"

"Yeah, I majored in psych that time I . . . went . . . to community college. Anyway, Sheldon, I'm not trying to say that they won the Nobel Prize because they were married. I'm saying that their relationships didn't stop them from winning it. And I'm not saying we have to get married, either," she added, hurriedly. "But before they got married, I'm sure they had girlfriends."

Sheldon drew his lips in tight. His face twisted. His eyes narrowed. Finally, the corner of his lips moved the tiniest fraction, and then he smiled.

"Ah! There it is!" Penny smiled widely.

Sheldon closed his eyes and sighed. "Penny, while I admire your effort, I still don't see how I can possibly resume a relationship with you. I don't know how I can concentrate on an entirely different person as well as my career."

"Oh, you can't have a girlfriend, but you can have hundreds of comic books and action figures and fantasy novels and DVDs of British television shows? You don't get distracted by them any?"

"Well-" began Sheldon, clearly flustered.

"Okay. Here's the deal. I will make more of an effort to respect your work and not interrupt you when you're working on something important. Okay?"

"And I'm to respect your work as well?"

Penny laughed. "I'm a waitress, Sheldon, no one respects me."

Sheldon tilted his head. "I didn't mean, that, Penny. I meant your acting."

"My acting? You like my acting?"

"While I don't think you should ever be in musical theater, you are not consummately a bad actress."

"Oh, Sheldon." There were tears in her eyes. "Oh Sheldon." She repeated quietly, shuffling her feet. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not thinking of me as a waitress."

"You're welcome," Sheldon replied, bemused.

"So?" Penny moved in closer to him, putting her hands on his chest. "What do you think? Should we get back together?"

"You certainly presented some valid points," Sheldon said. "I would be willing to try again."

Penny smiled and kissed him. Her glasses hit his nose, and she laughed. "Maybe I should take these off."

"I wouldn't mind if you left them on."

"Oh really?" Penny said teasingly. "A glasses fetish? Why, Sheldon." She kissed him again, then pulled back and touched the corner of her glasses. "You know these are Leonard's, right?"

Sheldon frowned in horror. "Take them off. Now."

Penny laughed again and set them on the coffee table. "That's something I'd never thought I'd hear you say." She moved back into her former position. "Now. Where were we?"

Just as they were about to kiss again, the door flew open and Batman, Blue Beetle, and Spider-man entered.

"Sheldon Cooper!" bellowed Batman. "Come with us!"

"Leonard?" Sheldon blinked.

"I'm not Leonard, I'm Batman!" Batman sliced through the air with his arm.

"And I'm Blue Beetle!" Blue Beetle assumed a pose with his hands on his waist.

"And I'm Spider-man!" Spider-man crouched to the ground and acted spidery.

"Why does Spider-man have and Indian accent?" asked Penny, smiling.

"What are all of you doing?" Sheldon asked.

"We've come to tell you to get back together with Penny!"

"You're a little late there, buckaroo," Penny said.

"Oh, really?" Leonard and Howard removed their masks.

"There goes our plan," Raj muttered behind his Spider-man mask.

"What plan?" asked Sheldon. "How exactly was this supposed to work?"

Howard shrugged. "I'm not really sure. It had something to do with you listening to advice from superheroes."

"Yes, well, you do realize the three of you aren't actually superheroes?" asked Sheldon.

"Well, yeah," replied Leonard. "We were just worried about you. We wanted you to get back with Penny, and this was really our best plan."

"Really?" said Sheldon. "I didn't think you all would want us to get back together. Especially, you, Leonard, I thought you would be happy we broke up."

"Well, some part of me was. A large part, actually, but the fact is, you two are kinda good together."

"Really?" repeated Sheldon.

"Yeah," nodded Howard. "You're our friend, and so is Penny."

"You guys make each other happy," added Raj.

Sheldon looked at his friends in amazement. They had certainly exceeded his expectations of loyalty, especially Leonard, who had gone far above and beyond the Roommate Agreement.

"You three . . ." Sheldon said quietly. ". . . are awesome."

Leonard, Howard, Raj, and Penny all gave each other a look of shock.

"Did you just say we're 'awesome?'" asked Howard.

Sheldon cleared his throat. "Yes, well, I meant that your display of friendship has induced awe. Shock, even. That's all."

Penny smiled and gave him a quick hug.

"So everything's resolved?" Howard asked. "Because I am starving."

"Oh, let's go to the restaurant. Bernadette's working," said Penny.

"Oh, yeah, and she doesn't get off until eight," said Howard.

Sheldon lagged behind his friends as they exited, staring a little at Penny's legs. Things were good again, though far from normal. After all, they were going to the Cheesecake Factory in superhero costumes.

"Sheldon?" Penny popped her head back into the doorway. "You coming?"

Sheldon wondered about the Nobel Prize. He wondered if he and Penny would ever get married. He wondered if he even wanted to get married. He wondered if someone would interrupt that wedding at the last second. He wondered what Penny would look like in her wedding dress.

He smiled. "Definitely."


End file.
